i think one of the most difficult things about being human is our ability to remember things...things we've done or not done. how many times in my life ive prayed for a "do over" and there wasnt one.
i learned to develop a sense of regret. even though i knew that wasnt a way to go back in time and change things, i believed if i could do enough "good things" in the present, it would somehow eliminate some of my mistakes of the past.
this misguided thinking has led to years of tears, scars and heart aching despair that i wasnt good enough person to make enough of the right choices that would have allowed me a life without regret.
in reality, no one has a life without mistakes, careless comments or poorly thought out decisions. these experiences are life lessons and they are invaluable in the shaping of who we are. if we say something that hurts someones feelings, we know next time to think before we speak. if we suffer a consequence because of something we've done, we learn to make a different decision next time. no experience is worthless and to want to change them totally undermines what these life lessons are meant to teach us.
i am always amazed at how many people always say nothing when asked if they regret anything in their life. maybe many of them have learned a lesson that i am still working to master. to live a life without regret means accepting your life lessons gracefully, learning from them and then moving on.
i am amazed at their maturity and outlook on life. none of them will say that they havent made mistakes or done things that have complicated their life in some way, but these experiences have shaped who they are, and in loving themselves, they wouldnt want that to change.
how right they are. i am a product of all of the actions and decisions i have made. if i were to go back and change even one of them, i would no longer be who i am today. to accept myself, i must accept all of myself and that includes the things ive done in the past that may be less than glamorous.
i refuse to spend any more time living with regret. i cannot go back and change anything and to want to is a waste of time and energy. instead, i must set my sights on the future. by carefully choosing my direction, i can plot a course for success and inner fulfillment.
do i regret my self-injury scars? no. they act as an outward reminder of the struggles ive gone through and my victory over them. do i regret some of the things ive said and done in the past? not anymore. i did or said what i thought was right at the time and thats all i can do. with the passage of time and new information, of course there comes new understanding and insight. if i were to be in a similar situation today, it is possible that i might make a difference choice. but at the time, the choices i made were right.
life is too short to want a "do over". each morning we wake is the only "do over" we will ever get. examine the things in your life that you want to change and then act accordingly. learn from the mistakes youve made and then move forward. to do otherwise is an insult to the person you are becoming. thats who i am and who i want to be.
rick.
